So I’m sitting here listening to Pink Floyd, downloading a bunch of Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin actually, and reflecting on this past year.
I’ve read a lot of 2007 blogs lately…a lot of artists that I keep up with have posted them. Many of them contain a list of exhibitions and professional accomplishments. Some of them are very honest and open. All have inspired me to do the same.
In 2007, I met an amazing smart sexpot: handsome Bill.
I traveled to LA, NY, Ireland and VEGAS with Bill. 2 out of 4 of those trips were art related!
I met a veritable shit-ton of fantastic people, developed some really cool relationships, developed my talent, was in like 4-5 art exhibitions (1 of which was a solo show), sold 6 pieces (1 of which was a commission piece for a lingerie store), and participated in 2 Pin up photo shoots (which will provide fuel for art this year).
So I feel like I am a lucky girl and I have had some amazing opportunities this past year.
Right now, though, I’m struggling. This always happens to me post holiday. Like lots of other people, I took my yearly trip ‘home for the holidays’.
I love my family: they are funny, smart, and love me. But I really do struggle during the time spent with them. Every year, I get jabs from them about how I should change.
This was a nice one from this Christmas, ‘When you stop painting women in lingerie, maybe we’ll buy some…’
I love them, I really do…but it gets old and it is very, very draining.
I got back to SF about a week ago and I’ve been processing some complex ideas about how to be in the world ever since this time spent with in the deep South.
One thing that came out of it is that I sat down on New Year’s day and rewrote my art bio, about 8 times. It’s still not there yet but I’m getting closer. Pretty much I’ve been writing this thing for the past 4 years.
I’ll share with you my process every time I sit down to write it:
I’m going to be fucking honest!
Wait, how much should I share?
Do people want the truth behind what I do, who I am?
Other artists write a professional, third person bio. Maybe that’s what I should do.
What will make my art sell?
Do I care about selling?
Wait, why am I making art again?
Oh yeah, because I really have no fucking choice in the matter.
Currently, the one on my site is short and sweet and doesn’t really tap into the major mental mountains I’ve been moving for, I don’t know, my whole fucking life. Mountains about learning to love my body, mountains about loving myself, mountains about finding my voice when there have been major people in my life that have always told me to be different. I learned to compromise and hide the things that really made me ‘me’ at a young age. I still struggle to be honest about these things.
And before this turns into a sob story, I know everybody has a struggle…I’m not saying that my life was difficult. I have a loving family, I always had a roof over my head and they taught me a lot of wonderful things and took care of me.
My experience just makes me question myself all the time. I struggle with whether people even want to know why I make the art that I do. It’s not all just pretty, sexy ladies.
Does anyone want to read this shit or do they just want to see sexy ladies? These sexy ladies have a story, I have a story. Women are complex, gorgeous creatures and we have boobies and some of us know how to shake them for fun and some of us choose to shake them for money. I love that. Good for us.
It’s fantastic to live in a time period when we women can own this. There is a spirit, an energy and a freedom to it, and that’s why I’m inspired by Burlesque.
Which brings me to what is on the table for 2008. Honesty, Burlesque, boobies and I don’t know…sex? Sure why not!
The first couple of weeks of 2008 find me prepping and starting some big new paintings. I have some portraits all planned out for Miss Bombshell Betty and Sweet Cheeks; two lovely, sexy, smart and funny Burlesque performers.
And yes, you lovely perverts, I have a couple of me thrown in there too.
Entertaining sidenote: What’s crazy about this process is it involves me frequently printing lasers and whatnot of myself in my underwear at work. I don’t know if that is good or bad, but I guess all my coworkers are used to it by now.
So, if anybody is reading this, big shout out to all of you and everyone that supports me and listens to my shit. And I have to say, thank FUCK for David Bayles and Ted Orland for writing the book ‘Art and Fear’.
This book is my bible for when I feel shitty about myself and my art process. Every time I read it, I get something new out of it and bless them for putting into words this complex process of artmaking.
Why we artists do it, why it is difficult, why we have no choice but to do it, and how to keep doing it.
Happy 2008 wonderful people, I do love you.
"Yours truly in frilly underpants"
20x20" oil on canvas giclee
Currently on display at 111 Minna Gallery