Against the Stream/Dharma Punx SF Center

I posted this on Facebook last week, but thought it was important enough to fire up the blog machine again!

For the last 5 years or so, my family has been struggling with my Dad's dementia. I don't even know where to begin to describe what this is like. Some of you may have heard details or snippets of phone calls. It's a very challenging form of acceptance, where the person is close enough to themselves that you can sometimes be in denial that this is happening to their brain. And then other times it's right in your face.

There are a lot of complications, craving for wishing things were different, letting go. Crisis happens, decisions have to be made, people get hurt emotionally and the dementia in my Dad even got physically frustrated with my Mom.

A lot of shit has gone down. My parents separated into different apartments in the same facility in South Carolina. Some shit went down during and right after AIDS/LifeCycle last year. So fucking stressful. I've cried a lot of tears. I've been angry and I've made emergency calls to my therapist. I've tried not to unload it on friends and family. It can be isolating. It's too much for a lot of people. It's too much for me sometimes. Having said all that, I try to look at things with the lens of gratitude.

So anyway, I needed something to help. Many roads ended up leading me to Friday night meditation at Against the Stream/Dharma Punx. I read the books. Downloaded some podcasts first from Diana Winston at UCLA , then I found the Against the Stream podcasts on iTunes, then I found more teachers whom I really like and that has expanded into a daily practice.

My partner is heavily involved in teaching at his workplace, and has gotten involved in the teacher training at AGT. We sit together M-F for 30 minutes a day.

Practice has taught me mindfulness, gratitude, generosity, patience, phrases like 'I love you, I forgive you, I forgive myself'. It's taught me that things will change. Anger and sadness will pass. Everything is going to be ok.

That's a lot.

Anyhoo, that's a fraction of why this new San Francisco center is so important to me. I want it to be successful. It's accessible and inclusive, it provides community (which is so important in this world), and meditation practice is life changing for real.

If you have a couple of extra dollars to share, please contribute. Here's the info on the Indie Go Go campaign:


Thanks!

2013 in review

It's a little early, but I'm ready to review.  I present to you 2013, broken out into categories.

Practice

This year I changed my alarm so that I have 15 minutes to sit in the morning. This was about 2-3 months ago, now I find myself waking up earlier to get in a 30 minute sit every day.

I find myself wanting to learn more about concentration, equanimity and compassion. My practice now is doing kind and friendly things, even if I don't feel kind and friendly. When I feel really cranky about something, I write down something for which I am grateful. This is sticky because I want to write about material luxuries, but try to find something else.

Apparel Arts

I started taking pattern making classes last January, it has changed my life in a lot of positive ways. Like most people, I have a complex relationship with clothing and fit. But I love clothes so this was a way to make clothing mine. The first section was skirts. I wasn't even interested in skirts before I started taking this class. But now I know that skirts can fit into the weekly wardrobe as easily as jeans.

I learned that I may have an idea for a long time, even over a year, before I can make it.

The gorgeous thing about style is that it can be ever changing and flowing. One style need not define me every day, deciding what I want to wear every day can be fun.

I have enough. Well thought out basics are better than impulsive and trendy purchases. When one has the right pieces, they can mimic the trends if one would like.

Dr Sketchy's

This year we successfully had two events a month at Chicken John's warehouse. The community is wonderful, our space is great, I am grateful to have this opportunity. I like drawing twice a month, I like picking the models. My drawing is always improving and I really like using watercolors.

Family

Bio: Super complex in 2013, but we seem to be past a crisis stage with my father's health. He seems happy, for now he can talk on the phone and he laughs. Mom has adjusted to the changes. We have a lot of help. I show up when I need to, even if I don't always feel like it.

My local chosen family and community rocks. I love my babycakes and the cats.

Financial

You Need a Budget and Mr Money Mustache are changing my views on money. I currently do a pretty good job of saving, but I am very interested in early retirement. I've been looking at a lot of things differently than in the past and I'm grateful that I started saving early. I'm questioning all expenses.

Health/Riding

Lot of accomplishments in this category in 2013. Did AIDS/LifeCycle break down the mental hurdle that kept me thinking that some things couldn't be accomplished? Oh yes.

6 months of training and a 545 mile ride to LA were pretty special. My team, the feeling of helping people, being of service and accomplishing this major goal felt wonderful.

I was also able to participate in some 200ks with SFR this year as well. It's nice to be with that community.

I lost over ten pounds this year, I've lost 35 total. It feels weird to see the hollows under my cheekbones, I like them.

There is a relationship now between art and riding, in that I've been designing posters for SFR and for commission projects.

I just quit sugar in what I am calling 'No Sugar November'. I had a headache for the first 9 days. Eating bread makes me feel the same, and starts the craving cycle. I'm not sure that I am ready to take on bread and grains.

Style

A big year for style! I'm very excited about it. Bill and I both explored the option of getting custom clothing. In the Spring, I started out looking for dress shoes/flats that would replace a pair of shoes that I bought in London in 2006. Eventually it led me to Al's Attire and I had them remade! In my size!

My joke is that there is no venn diagram where wide feet and cute intersect. I ordered two pairs of custom shoes this year and have ideas about what I might like to invest in next year.

I took some fabric that I bought for myself and Bill into Al's and we had shirts made as well.

I'm exploring skirt shapes, volume, color, not so much pattern (this is a hard one), accessories and modern fashion. My Pinterest is about shapes and inspiration. One lesson that Apparel Arts has taught me is that I can hold onto that inspiration as long as I need it, eventually I will have the skills to make whatever I want. And that, while it is clinging, is also freedom.

Evernote

This may sound crazy but Evernote kind of changed my life. I track all of my projects and interests using Evernote, I clip web pages, recipes, all of it. I found out about it from reading an article on the founders of ModCloth.

One big thing I did this year was track all the clothing whims that I had, that I wanted to purchase. I found that most of the things I bought online I sent back, and most of the things that I thought I wanted, if I write them down and think about it for a while...well they don't really interest me for very long. Or if they do, then it is worth saving the money. Trades also rock.

Anyhoo, that's it. Thanks for reading.

BBP

I really enjoyed the Buddhist Bicycle Pilgrimage, or BBP last weekend. We set off from Spirit Rock at the crack of dawn Saturday morning. Headed out Nicassio Valley in the morning cold...I was so cold. Climbing felt nice because it warmed up the body.



We skirted around the reservoir and up to the Pt Reyes Petaluma Rd out to the Cheese Factory. Then out to Hicks and Wilson Hill.



After that I knew a few roads, Two Rock and whatnot. It was a nice long ride, 84 miles Saturday. We stopped at Sae Taw Win II for lunch and learned about their classes.

We got to camp near Cloverdale around 5ish, had dinner then I volunteered to clean up afterwards. I was close to the point of passing out at that point but I know how important volunteers are to these kinds of events and I wanted to give back so I washed the dishes. By the time 8pm rolled around and it was time to sit, I was nodding off on the cushion.

On Sunday, we stopped at the City of 10,000 Buddhas and Abhayagiri Monastery and learned this song:

I have enough
I am grateful
Share the blessings
Hallelujah.

May all be fed
May all things flourish
May all awaken
Bhodi Svaha

We used our route sheet, knew the path and stayed on the path.