and I am grateful for it. He calls to ask when someone is coming by because he has a list of things that he needs done.
He wants to put his house in order in some way. He wants to get rid of things, sell things, he kind of always has a list of things.
The theme for the ride that I am going on this weekend is generosity. I've turned towards meditation and practice to help with this suffering that I'm feeling.
I think about generosity in relation to my father. I am being generous because I pick up the phone when he calls, even if I am busy. I don't do that for everyone. If I'm busy, I call people back.
I am willing to ask the same questions and to be calm and fun. I like it when I can make him laugh, even if I cry later.
Right now I feel like my heart is weighted down. There are sharp rocks that have made their way inside me. I hope that I can ride out a lot of things this weekend on pilgrimage.
Moxie (n) The ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage. Force of character, determination, or nerve.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Stuff and Things
Currently I find myself in Wyckoff, NJ visiting with babycake's mom. This is after a weekend spent with my mom and dad in South Carolina. My parents' living situation has changed recently, they both have their own apartments in their living facility in Spartanburg.
As I'm beginning to understand, dementia has different cycles: crisis, stasis, crisis, stasis. Couple months ago we had a crisis, now we are trying to find equilibrium.
We've hired Geriatric Resource Services and I think they will help to make things more relaxed for everyone involved. I am grateful to have a weekend with my dad where he seems happy and we laugh. I'm sure that things will change. It is possible that one day he will not know who I am and I will have to find the strength to accept him as he is. I find it helpful to stay grounded in gratitude.
We're traveling to New York in a couple of days and I might witness Fashion Week. Since I've been in Apparel Arts, I've been tracking garment shapes and silhouettes on Pinterest. Learning about Fashion without schooling is a challenge. I would say that I've always been interested in style, but I haven't always been flexible in my style. I do find it fascinating to see style chameleons, one who can really can take on and off a persona with a season. I'm developing a willingness to try new things. When one has curves, it can be scary to play with volume for example. One doesn't want to make ones hips look bigger for instance by wearing something with more volume on the bottom. But fuck it. Why not try it? That's where I am.
I had some time over the Labor Day weekend to sew. I forgot something very important, and that is you must always staystitch the top of the skirt pieces so that they don't stretch out as they are being handled. This one stretched. My waistband was an inch and a half shorter than the top of the skirt, oof. I even went so far as to cut a new bigger waistband before I finally figured out what had happened. Fortunately experienced folks on the internets helped me and I was able to spray and iron it back into shape.
This photos shows that the skirt did indeed shrink back down so that it fit the waistband again.
Making stuff can be very very hard. I tend to get down about things when they don't work out, my biggest challenge in life is keeping a positive attitude. Cycling and meditating have taught me that things will always change and to keep going.
My mother was talking about my father over the weekend and she had that he was very good at starting projects and not as good at finishing them. I guess that I learned this and am attempting to overcome it.
I did this little guy at Dr Sketchy's Roller Derby.
Al's Attire finished my walking boots.
It was the summer of custom shoes, I saved for these and it was totally worth it. They are beautiful, comfortable and they are going to last forever.
I'll probably hold off on another pair for a while, I would like to get a tall pair of boots in the next 6 months or for next Fall. I never find tall boots that fit. My legs are very curvy and pretty 17" calf boots are hard to find. Al wants to put me into a pair of button boots. We'll see.
As I'm beginning to understand, dementia has different cycles: crisis, stasis, crisis, stasis. Couple months ago we had a crisis, now we are trying to find equilibrium.
We've hired Geriatric Resource Services and I think they will help to make things more relaxed for everyone involved. I am grateful to have a weekend with my dad where he seems happy and we laugh. I'm sure that things will change. It is possible that one day he will not know who I am and I will have to find the strength to accept him as he is. I find it helpful to stay grounded in gratitude.
We're traveling to New York in a couple of days and I might witness Fashion Week. Since I've been in Apparel Arts, I've been tracking garment shapes and silhouettes on Pinterest. Learning about Fashion without schooling is a challenge. I would say that I've always been interested in style, but I haven't always been flexible in my style. I do find it fascinating to see style chameleons, one who can really can take on and off a persona with a season. I'm developing a willingness to try new things. When one has curves, it can be scary to play with volume for example. One doesn't want to make ones hips look bigger for instance by wearing something with more volume on the bottom. But fuck it. Why not try it? That's where I am.
I had some time over the Labor Day weekend to sew. I forgot something very important, and that is you must always staystitch the top of the skirt pieces so that they don't stretch out as they are being handled. This one stretched. My waistband was an inch and a half shorter than the top of the skirt, oof. I even went so far as to cut a new bigger waistband before I finally figured out what had happened. Fortunately experienced folks on the internets helped me and I was able to spray and iron it back into shape.
This photos shows that the skirt did indeed shrink back down so that it fit the waistband again.
Making stuff can be very very hard. I tend to get down about things when they don't work out, my biggest challenge in life is keeping a positive attitude. Cycling and meditating have taught me that things will always change and to keep going.
My mother was talking about my father over the weekend and she had that he was very good at starting projects and not as good at finishing them. I guess that I learned this and am attempting to overcome it.
I did this little guy at Dr Sketchy's Roller Derby.
Al's Attire finished my walking boots.
It was the summer of custom shoes, I saved for these and it was totally worth it. They are beautiful, comfortable and they are going to last forever.
I'll probably hold off on another pair for a while, I would like to get a tall pair of boots in the next 6 months or for next Fall. I never find tall boots that fit. My legs are very curvy and pretty 17" calf boots are hard to find. Al wants to put me into a pair of button boots. We'll see.
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